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We’re gonna frickin’ lose this thing!

—Adam McKay first published in the Huffington Post, September 8th 2008

“Stop saying that!” my wife says to me. But this is not a high school football game and I’m not a cheerleader with a bad attitude. This is an election and as things stand now, we’re gonna frickin’ lose this thing. Obama and McCain at best are even in the polls nationally and in a recent Gallup poll McCain is ahead by four points.

Something is not right. We have a terrific candidate and a terrific VP candidate. We’re coming off the worst eight years in our country’s history. Six of those eight years the Congress, White House and even the Supreme Court were controlled by the Republicans and the last two years the R’s have filibustered like tantrum throwing 4-year-olds, yet we’re going to elect a Republican who voted with that leadership 90% of the time and a former sportscaster who wants to teach Adam and Eve as science? That’s not odd as a difference of opinion, that’s logically and mathematically queer.

It reminds me of playing blackjack (a losers game). You make all the right moves, play the right hands but basically the House always wins. I know what you’re going to say “But I won twelve hundred dollars last year in Atlantic City!” Of course there are victories. The odds aren’t tilted crazy, but there is a 51%–49% advantage. And in the long run, the house has to win. The house will win.

So what is this house advantage the Republicans have? It’s the press. There is no more fourth estate. Wait, hold on… I’m not going down some esoteric path with theories on the deregulation of the media and corporate bias and CNN versus Fox… I mean it: there is no more functioning press in this country. And without a real press the corporate and religious Republicans can lie all they want and get away with it. And that’s the 51% advantage.

Think this is some opinion being wryly posited to titillate other bloggers and inspire dialogue with Tucker Carlson or Gore Vidal? Fuck that. Four corporations own all the TV channels. All of them. If they don’t get ratings they get canceled or fired. All news is about sex, blame and anger, and fear. Exposing lies about amounts of money taken from lobbyists and votes cast for the agenda of the last eight years does not rate. The end.

So one side can lie and get away with it. Now let’s throw in one more advantage. Voter caging and other corruption on the local level with voting. Check out the article here on HuffPost about Ohio messing with 600K voters. If only five thousand of those voters don’t or can’t vote that’s a huge advantage in a contest that could be decided by literally dozens of votes. That takes us to about a 52 to 48% advantage.

I’m not even getting into the fact that the religious right teaches closed mindedness so it’s almost impossible to gain new voters from their pool because people who disagree with them are agents of the devil. I just want to look at two inarguable realities: A) we have no more press and B) the Repubs are screwing with the voters on the local level.

I’m telling you, we’re going to lose this thing. And afterwards we’ll blame ourselves the same way we did with Gore and Kerry (two candidates a thousand times more qualified to lead than W Bush.) Just watch. McCain wins by a point or two and we all walk around saying things like “Obama was too well spoken.” “Biden wasn’t lovable enough.” “I shouldn’t have split those eights.” “Why did I hit on 16? Why?!”

So what do we do?

  1. We give definitive clear speeches like Biden and Obama gave the other day about how no one talked about any issues at the Republican Convention and how they outright lied. But we do them over and over again.
  2. We use the one place where it’s still a 50/50 game—the Internet—as much as we can.
  3. But most importantly we should bring up re-regulating the media and who owns it and what that conflict of interest is a lot more. By pretending there’s no conflict of interest we’re failing to alert the public that they’re being lied to or given a looking at a coin at the bottom of a pool slanted truth. Every time a pundit or elected official is on any TV news program it should be a polite formality to mention that GE has made such and such billions off the war in Iraq by selling arms or that Murdoch is a right-wing activist with a clear stake in who wins and who taxes his profits the least. Disney, GE, Viacom, and Murdoch—all want profits and the candidate and agenda that will get in their way the least.

Obama and Biden should also create a “master sound bite sentence” and repeat it hundreds of times. It should be so true that even the corporations can’t screw with it when it makes the airwaves. Here’s my attempt: “Katrina, four dollar gas, a trillion dollar war, rising unemployment, deregulated housing market, global warming… no more.”

This race should be about whether the Republican Party is going to be dismantled or not after the borderline treason of the past eight years. But instead it is about making the word “community organizer” a dirty word and a beauty queen who shoots foxes from a plane. Someone is not in any way doing their job and it’s the press. Or more specifically, that job no longer exists.

Probably the worst offenders are the pundits who take the position that it’s all just a game and say phrases like “getting a post-convention bump” or “playing to the soccer Moms.” This isn’t a game of Monopoly or Survivor. There are real truths that exist outside of the spin they are given and have an effect on lives. 250,000 Iraqi civilians are dead because we let our reality be distorted by the most effective propaganda machine in fifty years, the corporate American press. Money and jobs are flying out of this country as our currency becomes worthless and we’re talking about the fact that McCain is a veteran. If someone busted into your house and robbed you would you then forgive them if you found out they were a veteran? Of course not. So why are we forgiving McCain for selling out his country by supporting the Bush agenda?

This is it folks. If McCain takes power we fade and become Australia in the seventies: a backwoods country with occasional flashes of relevance. Except we’ve got a way bigger military and we’re angrier. People will get hurt and we’ll pay the bill for the bullets. I’m telling you, unless we wake up, we’re gonna lose this frickin’ thing.

—Adam McKay wrote and directed Anchorman and Talladega Nights. He’s currently finishing his newest movie Step Brothers.
McKay also co-founded the website Funny or Die with Will Ferrell and Chris Henchy.
First published in the Huffington Post of 8 September 2008:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/adam-mckay/were-gonna-frickin-lose-t_b_124772.html

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